fredsiclesmclair:

livefreeliv:

fredsiclesmclair:

livefreeliv:

Liv didn’t know why she’d texted Freddie but she needed someone to talk to that didn’t know everything. She wanted to escape the past week just for a little while just to feel what it’s like to breathe again. She tucked her phone in her pocket and started for the door when Maude called her name from the living room, “You leaving? Can I come?” Liv shook her head an grabbed the door handle, “No I’ll be right back.” Maude flipped another page in her book, “No you won’t be. I’m going to order chinese and you won’t get any.” Liv rolled her eyes and walked out of the door, “Fair enough I suppose.” In order to get to the park, she had to walk pass Fishpond. It seemed as if the harder she tried the avoid that place the more she found herself running into it. She didn’t look up when she walked passed, instead she kept her her down and fumbled with an unlit cigarette. Liv was the first one to get there but she didn’t mind, it gave her time to get a new face. To put on a smile like she hadn’t been crying everyday for the past week. She pressed her lips together and lit the cigarette, suck it up Malone. The sun was shining and everything seemed still, maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all. Liv closed her eyes taking it all in, she wondered when she was going to see Chris again, if he even wanted to see her. When she opened her eyes, a familiar face was walking towards her with a huge smile. She smirked and waved, moving over so Freddie had room to sit down on the bench. 

<p>After Emma left his house in a rush Freddie didn’t know what do since he had planned his day around her thinking that they would spend the day together. He was in the shed smoking a spliff when his phone started vibrating in his pocket, he took it out and read the message, it was from Liv and that alone left him completely awestruck. He didn’t think that she wanted to talk to him after the way they left things, but it was Liv and she was always surprising him so he accepted it with open arms. Freddie took a quick shower, put some clothes on and left his house, walking to the park he checked his phone one more time to see the time and noticed that he was already 10 minutes late, when he finally got to the park Liv was already there, he saw her closing her eyes tightly deep in thought. Freddie cracked a smile seeing her there. He had missed her, he kept walking in her direction and after a few minutes she opened her eyes and kept her gaze fixed on him. He seated beside her on the bench not really knowing what to say. “I thought we were jumping off a cliff. I woke up really suicidal” he joked trying to make her laugh. Liv was always so carefree, but right now she looked just different and her eyes didn’t hold the light that they usually had. “I’m glad you texted me. I have missed you” Freddie said a little bit more seriously putting his arm around her shoulders and squeezing her softly. “how have you been, Liv?” he wasn’t sure if Liv was going to talk to him, he knew that she had always been a little difficult to open up, but so far they have been managing to do just that and he was dying to know what was going on in her life.<p>

Liv felt a little less tense with Freddie’s arm around her. She wanted to tell him everything but knew she shouldn’t, not yet anyway.  “How have you been, Liv?” She looked at him with her eyebrow raised and made a face, “Absolutely brilliant.” She forced a smile and placed her cigarette back between her lips before it fell again. Liv didn’t know if her answer was convincing enough but it would have to do. “My sister’s staying with me for a bit so she’s been keeping me busy…” something she didn’t have to lie about or pretend to be happy about. Handling everything that was going on was easier with Maude putting her back in her place every so often. Liv patted Freddie’s knee, “How about yourself. You look…chipper. Been busy?” she winked and giggled a little bit trying to concentrate on being as happy as possible. Her ‘fuck it’ attitude was easier to portray with someone who hadn’t seen her so low. Her mind still flashed back to Freddie visiting her in the hospital every time she heard his name or saw his name in her phone. “…How’s about we jump off that cliff now yeah?” Maybe she should have brought Maude with her, she could have been doing all the talking so Freddie wouldn’t be able to notice the way Liv’s face dropped when she wasn’t talking. It would have been weird to just sit there smiling, no one was every that happy. 

 “My sister’s staying with me for a bit so she’s been keeping me busy…” Freddie nodded along her words “I know the feeling, my sister just came back from London its definitely a nice change” he said remembering how helpful Karen had been and how happy he was now that she was home. “How about yourself. You look…chipper. Been busy?” Liv winked at him and Freddie laughed at her playfulness, that was one of the assets he liked more about her. “Life has been treating me well. Nice job, new girlfriend, my sister is back and everything is going good for my mates as well” Knowing that Liv had a boyfriend  made easier for him to tell him about Emma and moved past his crush on her to settle in a nice friendship he knew both of them would be happier with. “…How’s about we jump off that cliff now yeah?” Freddie took out of his back pocket one of newly rolled up spliffs and put it between his lips and lighting it after. “Im up for everything, miss Malone. You just lead the way yeah” Freddie couldn’t help to worry about the girl beside him, she seemed sad and he wanted to ask her what was going on and how he could help, but he knew something about Liv and that was that if she wasn’t ready to talk she won’t. “How about you tell me how much you have missed me?” he nudge her side before giving a long drag to his spliff and letting it settle in his lungs, enjoying the burning sensation in his throat before letting the smoke out and passing Liv the spliff. “Come on, let’s go find that cliff” Freddie stood up an offered her his hand to take. 

Liv got up and walked alongside Freddie. She kept her cigarette between her lips to keep herself busy. “I missed you…maybe,” she joked and nudged him. “So who’s this bird you’re toting around? Still Emma?” She swung her arms in a dramatic fashion. Liv tried to keep the conversation as far away from Cook as possible, she knew just hearing his name would throw her whole mood off and for once she didn’t want to be the sap she had been all week.  She stopped walking and tilted her head sideways, “Do you hear that?” She stared at Freddie who looked at her confused. Bass was moving through her body but she couldn’t place where the music was coming from, it was still daytime, way too early for a party or a proper club get together. She pulled on his arm and started down the alleyway across the street. There was nothing but a dumpster and an old looking door leading to nowhere but a sewage opening and she shrugged. “Maybe it’s nothing,” they both started to walk away but Liv got another idea, “…or maybe” She turned around and opened up the door again, pushing aside the top to the sewer cap. The music blasted out and she smirked at Freddie, “Fucking ace. Underground rave.” Liv crawled in and waved him on, “Come on…are you really gonna make me party alone?” She ducked down and fell into a dark eerie place. It didn’t smell too great but the concept was on point. Having a rave in a place that is always dark, she wondered how long some of the people had been down there. She walked through with Freddie beside her and looked around, bubble machines were everywhere and the majority of the people were fucked off their faces. “Shall we?”

fredsiclesmclair:

livefreeliv:

Liv didn’t know why she’d texted Freddie but she needed someone to talk to that didn’t know everything. She wanted to escape the past week just for a little while just to feel what it’s like to breathe again. She tucked her phone in her pocket and started for the door when Maude called her name from the living room, “You leaving? Can I come?” Liv shook her head an grabbed the door handle, “No I’ll be right back.” Maude flipped another page in her book, “No you won’t be. I’m going to order chinese and you won’t get any.” Liv rolled her eyes and walked out of the door, “Fair enough I suppose.” In order to get to the park, she had to walk pass Fishpond. It seemed as if the harder she tried the avoid that place the more she found herself running into it. She didn’t look up when she walked passed, instead she kept her her down and fumbled with an unlit cigarette. Liv was the first one to get there but she didn’t mind, it gave her time to get a new face. To put on a smile like she hadn’t been crying everyday for the past week. She pressed her lips together and lit the cigarette, suck it up Malone. The sun was shining and everything seemed still, maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all. Liv closed her eyes taking it all in, she wondered when she was going to see Chris again, if he even wanted to see her. When she opened her eyes, a familiar face was walking towards her with a huge smile. She smirked and waved, moving over so Freddie had room to sit down on the bench. 

<p>After Emma left his house in a rush Freddie didn’t know what do since he had planned his day around her thinking that they would spend the day together. He was in the shed smoking a spliff when his phone started vibrating in his pocket, he took it out and read the message, it was from Liv and that alone left him completely awestruck. He didn’t think that she wanted to talk to him after the way they left things, but it was Liv and she was always surprising him so he accepted it with open arms. Freddie took a quick shower, put some clothes on and left his house, walking to the park he checked his phone one more time to see the time and noticed that he was already 10 minutes late, when he finally got to the park Liv was already there, he saw her closing her eyes tightly deep in thought. Freddie cracked a smile seeing her there. He had missed her, he kept walking in her direction and after a few minutes she opened her eyes and kept her gaze fixed on him. He seated beside her on the bench not really knowing what to say. “I thought we were jumping off a cliff. I woke up really suicidal” he joked trying to make her laugh. Liv was always so carefree, but right now she looked just different and her eyes didn’t hold the light that they usually had. “I’m glad you texted me. I have missed you” Freddie said a little bit more seriously putting his arm around her shoulders and squeezing her softly. “how have you been, Liv?” he wasn’t sure if Liv was going to talk to him, he knew that she had always been a little difficult to open up, but so far they have been managing to do just that and he was dying to know what was going on in her life.<p>

Liv felt a little less tense with Freddie’s arm around her. She wanted to tell him everything but knew she shouldn’t, not yet anyway.  “How have you been, Liv?” She looked at him with her eyebrow raised and made a face, “Absolutely brilliant.” She forced a smile and placed her cigarette back between her lips before it fell again. Liv didn’t know if her answer was convincing enough but it would have to do. “My sister’s staying with me for a bit so she’s been keeping me busy…” something she didn’t have to lie about or pretend to be happy about. Handling everything that was going on was easier with Maude putting her back in her place every so often. Liv patted Freddie’s knee, “How about yourself. You look…chipper. Been busy?” she winked and giggled a little bit trying to concentrate on being as happy as possible. Her ‘fuck it’ attitude was easier to portray with someone who hadn’t seen her so low. Her mind still flashed back to Freddie visiting her in the hospital every time she heard his name or saw his name in her phone. “…How’s about we jump off that cliff now yeah?” Maybe she should have brought Maude with her, she could have been doing all the talking so Freddie wouldn’t be able to notice the way Liv’s face dropped when she wasn’t talking. It would have been weird to just sit there smiling, no one was every that happy. 

Liv didn’t know why she’d texted Freddie but she needed someone to talk to that didn’t know everything. She wanted to escape the past week just for a little while just to feel what it’s like to breathe again. She tucked her phone in her pocket and started for the door when Maude called her name from the living room, “You leaving? Can I come?” Liv shook her head an grabbed the door handle, “No I’ll be right back.” Maude flipped another page in her book, “No you won’t be. I’m going to order chinese and you won’t get any.” Liv rolled her eyes and walked out of the door, “Fair enough I suppose.” In order to get to the park, she had to walk pass Fishpond. It seemed as if the harder she tried the avoid that place the more she found herself running into it. She didn’t look up when she walked passed, instead she kept her her down and fumbled with an unlit cigarette. Liv was the first one to get there but she didn’t mind, it gave her time to get a new face. To put on a smile like she hadn’t been crying everyday for the past week. She pressed her lips together and lit the cigarette, suck it up Malone. The sun was shining and everything seemed still, maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all. Liv closed her eyes taking it all in, she wondered when she was going to see Chris again, if he even wanted to see her. When she opened her eyes, a familiar face was walking towards her with a huge smile. She smirked and waved, moving over so Freddie had room to sit down on the bench. 

Liv sat at the kitchen counter the next morning numb. She never would have thought telling people the truth and having them ‘forgive’ you would make you feel more alone than you did in the first place. She spun her oatmeal around in the bowl with her spoon and sniffed a couple of times when she heard feet descending the stairs. “I’m off to that fucking wank of a school…” Liv didn’t acknowledge  Maude at all, instead she got up and put her uneaten food in the sink. Maude rolled her eyes and walked over, “What’s wrong with you? And how come I’m the only one of us that has to go to college? You are still in college you know.” Liv glanced over at her then looked down, “Maude you’ve got things to look forward to. Uni, being successful…shit like that. Me. I’m going to be here…wherever the hell that is.” Rolling her eyes and hopping up on the counter, Maude placed her bag down and faced Liv, “You expect me to buy that? This whole my life is shit routine you’ve got going on. I grew up in the same household as you and my friends are just as fucked as yours. Only difference is you stick around yours. I’d ditch mine for a copy of ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy..” Liv looked at her little sister who didn’t seem so little anymore. Not once did she remember Maude mentioning a group of mates or anything about her personal life. Maude hopped off the counter and grabbed two apples, “Now eat something because we’re both going to fucking school.” Liv scrunched up her face, “No I’m not.” Maude grabbed her jacket and threw it at Liv, “Yes you are. If you don’t go…I won’t go. Then we’ll see who the real fuck up is…sista’ She smiled and Liv smirked putting her jacket on and grabbing her bag by the door, “Fine. No cheating though you have to stay the whole day.” They opened the door and started down the street together, “No promises,” Maude said giggling.

Liv walked into the halls of Roundview like it was the first time. It still seemed the same, boring, stupid, a place she did not want to be. She got to her locker finding everything still in tact. Grabbing a textbook, Liv rolled her eyes and stared blankly into her locker, someone tapped her shoulder so she turned around to see Doug smiling at her. “Ah Ms.Malone, glad to you join us. You’ve only missed…a few classes.” Liv looked down trying to hide the smirk on her face, “Doug I haven’t been here for any classes.” Doug patted her shoulder and started down the hallway with her, “Let’s not mind that as long as you promise to turn in all of the work okay? In fact, I can set you up with a tutor if you’d-” Liv stopped walking and cut him off, “…no that’s fine. I’ll do the shit on my own.” He clapped and nodded, “Great do the…shit…on your own then.” Doug ushered her on until they got the classroom Liv was looking for, he stopped right outside the door facing her, “This is your first stop. Remember chin up and smile. Oggy oggy oggy!” Liv couldn’t help but laugh at Doug’s enthusiasm. She slipped into the back of the class room and opened her book. She had no clue what they were going over, or what class this even was. The only reason she didn’t walk out was because of her promise to Maude. She’d be damned if she let her grow up just as fucked up as she was. 

frecklesmcguinness:

frecklesmcguinness:

Mini grabbed a jacket from her closet, pulling it on as she made her way to the kitchen liquor cabinet. She pulled out a bottle, not even bothering to bring a bag with her as she swung open the door and looked up at the sky as she made her way to the playground like Liv told her to. The sky was grey and it was dark out, not because it was almost evening but because there was absolutely no sun out, looking like it would start raining soon. Mini walked into the empty playground, zipping up her jacket as she looked around, sitting down on a bench, stretching her legs out across it as she let out a sigh. Mini opened the large bottle taking a swig with a sour face as she swallowed it down. After taking a few more swigs she put the cap back on the bottle as she rested it in her lap, scrolling through her phone. Mini called Franky, no answer that resulted in Mini scoffing to herself. Next she called Cook, just like Franky, no answer. She pushed her hair out of her face and shoved her phone back in her pocket. Mini tapped her fingers on the bottle, wishing she had a cigarette or something to kill time, her worries and thoughts were eating away at her; she started to wonder what could of possibly happened to either of them. As she started to panic as she thought of the worst case scenarios she spotted Liv walking over. Mini’s face softened as she let out a sigh of relief and waved to her. She waved the bottle, “Have your favorite…,” she chuckled, “then again every type of liquor is your favorite.” Mini moved her legs off the bench so Liv could sit down and rubbed her arms, looking back up at the sky and hoping it wouldn’t torrential downpour while she was outside. She looked over at Liv, “Things going well..with Maude? Boyfriend? Whatever? Been awhile..fill me in,” she told her and rested her elbows on her legs, “You’ve been a good girl?” she joked with a grin on her face.

Liv took her time leaving the house. She lied to Mini saying she had something to do first just to buy herself more time. She sat on the front step and smoked a cigarette, Cook’s words echoed in her head, “No’ne knows… yah? No.. one.. Even if guilty, never’appened.” In this case he was wrong, she had already told Alex and Chris…it was matter of time until word spread. Liv stubbed out her cigarette and got up, she wasn’t going to lie to her best mate like Cook planned on doing. Even if he did tell her he would just switch the story to make it her fault. She pushed herself up and started walking towards the playground. The same one they’d had a similar conversation before. She knew Mini wouldn’t be as forgiving as Chris, she didn’t even know if Chris really forgave her. Mini was sitting on the bench with her head facing the other way, Liv thought about just walking away before she turned around and texting her that something came up but it was too late. Mini was already waving her over with a smile on her face. She returned the smile and sat down next to her. Liv spied the huge bottle of alcohol and it made her stomach knot up. She looked at Mini and smiled again, “Things going well..with Maude? Boyfriend? Whatever? Been awhile..fill me in.” She raised her eyebrows, “Maude’s great…staying with me and Alex for awhile. Mom fucked off again so…” She tapped her hands against the table, “…oh…I’ve been good at something…” Fucking up…Liv reached for her hand and turned to face her, “How about you? Hows…C-everything?” As much as she wanted to reach for the bottle, she thought against it. Drinking under stressful situations hadn’t worked too well in the past. “You saw Gracey..how was that?”

Maude’s great…staying with me and Alex for awhile. Mom fucked off again so… Mini nodded, “I’m sorry…at least you get to spend time with Maude, yah?” she gave her a weak smile then opened up the bottle again, drinking from it, letting out a small cough as she put it down on the table. …oh…I’ve been good at something… Mini lifted up her eyebrow and snickered, “Yeah, what’s that?” she asked, looking at Liv. She rested her elbow on the table as Liv continued to speak, How about you? Hows…C-everything? Mini shrugged, “Dunno..” she said at first, why not just be honest, she decided, “Bit worried..Cook and Franky haven’t picked up their phones for days..nothing probably, yah? Can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong..sure they’re both fine,” she sighed and shook her head. Mini just forced a smile through it all and continued taking small, unenjoyable sips of the vodka. You saw Gracey..how was that? Mini ruffled her hair, “Good, she said she hadn’t seen you either, you should text her, you know how worried she gets,” she told her, “She’s going back to college soon, guess she has a new tutor, guy seems like a bit of a twat if you ask me,” she shrugged and smirked, “but then again I judge everyone from first impressions,” she joked and laughed. Mini tapped the heels of her shoes together and pursed her lips, furrowing her brows, “Everything alright..you seem a bit..on edge or something,” she shrugged, could be wrong, she thought but she was mostly just talking a lot to avoid her thoughts. 

“Yeah I’ll text her or something…” Liv looked over at the play set and sighed. She didn’t want to have this conversation but the anxiety was already written all over her face. She pressed her lips together and stood up looking back at Mini when she spoke. “Everything alright..you seem a bit..on edge or something,” Liv nodded not really saying anything. She didn’t want to lie to her, she already had enough to explain, “Let’s go swing…” Liv hopped on and started pushing her feet. She wanted on last peaceful moment with Mini before she ruined everything. She smiled over at her best mate, really looking at her. The person she kept hurting, the one who kept forgiving her. But Mini had hurt her too in the past, even though Liv always tried to find something to get her back with. It was the same old game of chase and she didn’t know what to do anymore. She didn’t want to lose Mini as a best mate, they were close…like a family. Liv reached for her hand and held it as they swung in sync. “Do you remember that time that new redheaded slag came to our camp..years ago. She was massively jealous of you, me and Gracey so she tried to bribe me and Grace to stop hanging out with you…” Liv giggled and sniffed, “We told her it was us three for life and that she could go blow her granny for all we cared…” Liv bit her lip and looked down. “Nothing ever broke the three of us up. We always find our way back to each other yeah? We’re going to be racing our granny scooters and sword fighting with our canes..yeah?”

Let’s go swing… Mini nodded and followed Liv, smiling back at her as she sat down on the swing. She swung back and forth slowly, stretching her legs straight out. Mini giggled and took Liv’s hand, swinging along with her, feeling like a little kid again. Do you remember that time that new redheaded slag came to our camp..years ago. She was massively jealous of you, me and Gracey so she tried to bribe me and Grace to stop hanging out with you… Mini scrunched up her face, “Ew!” she squealed and laughed, “Almost forgot about that, can’t even remember her name, it was something stupid anyway,” she rolled her eyes and shook her head. We told her it was us three for life and that she could go blow her granny for all we cared… Mini covered her mouth with her free hand and shook her head, laughing uncontrollably, “Yeah and then she ran off crying…all bitter because you chose me over her,” she grinned and nodded proudly. Nothing ever broke the three of us up. We always find our way back to each other yeah? We’re going to be racing our granny scooters and sword fighting with our canes..yeah?  Mini looked at her, “Yeah, of course nothing broke us up,” she told her and squeezed her hand, “Together forever,” she told her with a smile on her face, “We’ll be gettin’ drunk off of some fruity cocktails in the old folks home,” she felt a rain drop on her head as it started to drizzle out. Mini shrugged it off and looked at Liv, sensing something wasn’t right. She furrowed her brows, “What brought on that memory?” she asked and tilted her head, kicking her feet around as she continued to swing back and forth.

Liv stopped swinging and took a deep breath, “You’d think I was use to telling you things like this by now…” She chewed on her bottom lip still holding onto Mini’s hand. She couldn’t find the right words to say. What words were right to tell your best mate you slept with her boyfriend…again? Liv kept her gaze down at the ground, there was no way in hell she’d be able to make eye contact with Mini through all of this. “Cook worked an extra shift for me at the pub so that I could be with Chris.” She paused and took a deep breath, still beating herself up about it. “He told me I owed him bacon or some shit so I got him some.” She squeezed Mini’s hand feeling a lump in her throat, Liv swallowed hard cursing herself not to cry. “We started talking about how happy we were or something and he rolled a few spliffs…then…” Her eyes were glossing over with tears but she ignored it, still trying to hold back from crying, “…we started talking about ratings or whatever. I told him he was a seven and that Nick and Chris were better…he got upset and we just started going at it. I stopped…I tried to..I pulled away I promise you but it just kept happening. I couldn’t even look him in the eye when it was all over, we both felt like shit and regretted it.” The tears rolled down her cheek and she still held on to  Mini’s hand. She looked up at her and sniffled it was all out in the open but she didn’t feel any better about anything, “Please don’t let go…”

Mini listened along to what Liv was saying, looking at her feet and not paying much attention until she started to hear the strain in her voice. We started talking about how happy we were or something and he rolled a few spliffs…then… Mini furrowed her brows, feeling her chest tighten, she didn’t want to know what was coming next, she didn’t want to hear it even though a part of her already knew. …we started talking about ratings or whatever. I told him he was a seven and that Nick and Chris were better…he got upset and we just started going at it. Mini swallowed a lump in her throat, clenching her jaw and feeling her eyes start to water. She couldn’t cry, never in front of anyone, she always cried on her own. Mini never wanted anyone to see her vulnerable like that but she couldn’t control herself. Tears started rolling down her cheek and she tried to pull her hand away but Liv squeezed onto it.  I stopped…I tried to..I pulled away I promise you but it just kept happening. I couldn’t even look him in the eye when it was all over, we both felt like shit and regretted it. Mini wiped her eyes with her free hand, she wanted it to start pouring rain, to cover up the fact that she was crying but it was already obvious. Tears were streaming down her face as she shook her head, “No..no, you wouldn’t do that to me…not again, he wouldn’t do that to me,” but she knew it was true, why else would Liv risk their friendship like this? Mini sobbed, trying to yank her arm away but Liv wouldn’t let go. Please don’t let go… Mini continued to cry, not even caring at this point, “Why?” she asked, her voice cracking, “..I thought he cared, I thought he actually fucking cared, I thought you fucking cared,” she said, her voice strained, making her seem more heartbroken than venomous like she usually was. Mini covered her eyes with her hand, too tired to try and pull away from Liv, “I predicted this, I knew..whenever I’m happy it crashes down in front of me,” she didn’t even want to look at Liv, she didn’t want her to know that how much it hurt. She shook her head, “She looked down at the bottle next to her feet then back at Liv, glancing back and forth between the two, “Ring a bell? Just like old times, yah?” she said with no emotion in her voice.

Mini breaking down tore Liv apart inside. She shook her head and cried along with her wishing everything she said was a lie. “..I thought he cared, I thought he actually fucking cared, I thought you fucking cared,” every word she spoke broke her heart a little bit more but Liv didn’t want her to go anywhere. She would rather have her hate her, yell, scream whatever she had to do instead of walk away. “I predicted this, I knew..whenever I’m happy it crashes down in front of me,” she was right, it felt like none of them could be happy for a long period of time. Something always had to happen to keep the pot boiling. Liv noticed Mini’s gaze was now directed at the bottle and she looked at her fearfully. “Ring a bell? Just like old times, yah?” Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head with tears still spilling down her face, “Min-no i can’t.” She hiccuped a sob and pleaded her, “You know I can’t I…you know about the hospital and everything…please don’t.” The first time she was willing to do it but the second time she did it to herself it almost killed her. She didn’t want to experience any of that anymore but knew she had to make it up to Mini somehow. “Can’t I just…buy you a fucking puppy?” Liv wiped her face and looked from Mini to the bottle. She squeezed her eyes shut and opened them again and sighed. “Is this what you really want?” Her stomach felt raw just thinking about it and she wished she’d eat more in the last few days. Liv reached for the bottle, it was bigger than the one from before. Probably as big as the one of the three bottles she drank at the house when she got rushed to the hospital. She hoped this time Mini wouldn’t leave her there to die, not alone anyway.

Min-no i can’t. She furrowed her brows and finally looked in her in the eye, You know I can’t I…you know about the hospital and everything…please don’t. Mini stayed silent, she didn’t actually want her to drink it, she mostly said it just as a reminder of how Liv had done it to her before. Can’t I just…buy you a fucking puppy? Is this what you really want? Mini looked at the bottle and shook her head, “No,” she said with a hoarse voice. She pulled her hand away, harder this time, finally breaking free from Liv’s grip. She covered her face with her hands and just cried, not knowing what else to do. It hurt so much more this time than it did with Nick, with Nick she knew it happened, she knew she was being fucked over; she never expected it with Cook and Liv. She knew they fucked before but she thought it was different, “I can’t believe I actually believed he cared about me enough to not fuck someone else,” she swallowed a lump in her throat and pursed her lips, “Let alone my best friend,” her voice cracked again and another tear streamed down her cheek. She looked at the bottle and picked it up before throwing it as hard as she could at the pavement, needing someway to get her emotions out. Mini stood up and crossed her arms, her back facing Liv, “Don’t even know where he is, he isn’t picking up the phone,” she paused, “Probably fucked off like my dad like everyone does,” she muttered to herself. She turned back around and looked at Liv who was still sitting in the swing, towering over her, “I don’t know who I’m more angry at: you, Cook or myself for being fucking stupid enough to trust either of you,” she said, she was angry but more than that she was tired and heartbroken. 

“I don’t know who I’m more angry at: you, Cook or myself for being fucking stupid enough to trust either of you,” Mini’s words hit Liv hard. She wanted to be someone she could trust but knew she wasn’t going to earn that title anytime soon. She wanted to hug her best mate, hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay but Liv was the last person Mini wanted touching her. Liv stood up from the swing and stood beside Mini, not knowing if she should reach down and hug her. She wiped her face again and knelt down beside her, “Mini I’m so fucking sorry. You are one of the last people I ever want to hurt but I keep doing it…” She placed her hand on her knee and took a deep breath, “I love you so much and- I just want everything to be okay. Please don’t hate me.” This being the third time, Liv could tell Mini was broken. Usually she would be angry, full of fire. But this Mini…crying in front of her wasn’t Mini at all. Liv recognized this from herself from the time on the roof with Nick and waking up in the hospital. She was broken. Knowing this brought tears to her eyes again and she hugged Mini even if she didn’t want it she needed it. They sobbed together both feeding off each other’s sadness, “Please don’t hate me Mins. I need…I fucking need you.” It started to pour down raining, as the sky darkened. The girls didn’t seem too bothered by it yet.  It seemed to come down harder the longer the crying went on, “…let me make this up to you. I want to make things right…”

Mini I’m so fucking sorry. You are one of the last people I ever want to hurt but I keep doing it… Mini tried to tune her out, tried to ignore everything she was saying, she didn’t want to forgive her, she didn’t want to hear any of it. I love you so much and- I just want everything to be okay. Please don’t hate me. Mini stared straight forward and shook her head slowly, “Did you both regret it?” she asked, not even looking at her, “Did you both feel like shit after or did you just pretend it never happened?” she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and hugged her knees. Liv hugged Mini and tears started to form in her eyes again, she tried to break free of the hug, “No, stop,” she snapped but Liv wouldn’t let go. Mini rested her forehead on her knees and continued to cry, letting Liv hug onto her, not even caring enough to push her off and walk away. Please don’t hate me Mins. I need…I fucking need you.…let me make this up to you. I want to make things right… Mini shivered as the cold rain poured down on them, “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted with such sadness in her voice, “Why do you keep doing this to me? How am I supposed to trust you?” her voice shaky and hoarse. Mini leaned her head back and closed her eyes, “I don’t know what to fucking do,” she repeated as she continued to sob. Mini looked at her, “I could never cut you out of my life..it’s just a fact,” she told her and wiped her eyes, “With him I don’t..,” she shook her head, “I can’t cut him out of my life…even why I try he just somehow makes his way back in, like nothing happened.” Mini hugged her chest, “I don’t want to cut him out of my life..either of you, but what if he keeps fucking me over..what if you keep fucking me over? I can’t let you two walk all over me, I can’t deal with feeling like shit all the time.”

“I don’t know what to fucking do,” Liv pulled back looking her in the eye, “I could never cut you out of my life..it’s just a fact.” That was the saddest thing about their relationship no matter how badly they hurt each other they always found a way back to each other. It was a vicious cycle that was emotionally tearing them apart. Liv didn’t know what to say, she was selfish she didn’t want to lose Mini but was it her place to tell her Cook wanted to keep it from her. That he suggested it happen then not tell anyone. “With him I don’t..I can’t cut him out of my life…even why I try he just somehow makes his way back in, like nothing happened.” Cook did have a way about him, probably the same thing that made Liv accept him back into her life as a mate, the same thing that made her want to go see him that morning. “It’s fucked…” she whispered under her breath. Ratting him out would do nothing but make her seem like a jealous bitch, she was in the wrong just as much as he was. What she hadn’t told anyone was that she’d kissed him first, surely she was fucking with his head but she did it. Even after that she tried to pull away so it had to count as something but maybe it didn’t because she fucked him anyway. “I don’t want to cut him out of my life..either of you, but what if he keeps fucking me over..what if you keep fucking me over? I can’t let you two walk all over me, I can’t deal with feeling like shit all the time.” Again she was speechless, she stood to her feet again and swallowed the lump in her throat, looking down at Mini. For the pass week all she was doing was hurting people and when things got too much, she’d turn to violence, “Hit me.” Liv’s voice was tired and shaky but demanding. She’d beat on all of her friends but no one ever really hit her back except for Franky but she knew more could have been done. “Fucking hit me!” Her voice was desperate, she needed someone to be mad at her. Chris had just accepted her back but Liv could tell it was killing him inside every time he looked at her. “Just do it.”

Hit me. Mini furrowed her brows and slowly turned her head, looking over at Liv, “What..” she spoke slowly before clearing her throat, pushing away a piece of wet hair clinging to her cheek. Fucking hit me! Just do it. Mini lifted her hand up hesitantly then pulled back, shaking her head, “Liv..no..,” she said with a few more tears rolling down her cheek. Were they going to physical blows now? Or was it just Liv wanting Mini to feel better? Liv kept ordering to so Mini lifted her hand back before slapping her as hard as she could across the face, pulling her hand away quickly. Mini wiped some makeup from under her eyes, “Two best mates fucking each other over for life?” she asked and cocked her eyebrow. She sighed and shook her head, standing up and crossing her arms.  Mini squeezed her eyes shut then stuck her hand out for Liv to grab, pulling her up. She walked next to her then stopped, “So what do we do now?” she asked, swallowing a lump in her throat as she rubbed her arms, trying to warm up as the rain poured down harder, lightening appearing and thunder booming; it was something out of a movie, the depressing news accompanied by the shitty weather.

“Liv..no..,” Liv wiped her face and rolled her eyes stepping closer to Mini, “Hit me okay? Get it out of your system..” She wasn’t sure if Mini would actually do it but she lifted her hand back and before Liv knew it she was on the ground. She held onto her stinging face. “…fuck..” her skin was red and a little swollen but she didn’t expect that from Mini. Liv looked up at her, “Two best mates fucking each other over for life?” Mini helped her up and as she still held onto her face, “We don’t have to be. It stops now yeah? No dating the same guys or sleeping with each other’s boyfriends. Besides I think I found-um…” She looked down at the ground not wanting to finish her sentence. It was wrong to say Chris was someone she wanted to be with for a long time when she just admitted to cheating on him. “So what do we do now?”   Liv glanced over at her and moved her wet hair out of her own face, “I keep my bat cave away from any guy that isn’t Chris, give you sometime to breathe and- we try and start over…as fucked up as this all sounds..” She turned to face her fully, “I’ll stay away from him altogether if that’s what you want..we can get through this yeah?” Even though everything was out in the open with everyone that needed to know the feeling of guilt still haunted her. Their friendship couldn’t continue to go on like this, “This stops today.”

We don’t have to be. It stops now yeah? No dating the same guys or sleeping with each other’s boyfriends. Besides I think I found-um… Mini nodded, “Yeah..stops now,” she agreed and uncrossed her arms, “Found?” she lifted up her eyebrow and tilted her head but Mini already knew what she was trying to say. I keep my bat cave away from any guy that isn’t Chris, give you sometime to breathe and- we try and start over…as fucked up as this all sounds.. She looked down, nodding along as she spoke and staying quiet, just agreeing with everything that she was saying. I’ll stay away from him altogether if that’s what you want..we can get through this yeah? This stops today. Mini nodded, “It stops today,” she repeated after Liv and let out a sigh. She shook her head, “How do I know he won’t cheat on me again..with someone else? Some random or some shit?” Mini let out a sigh, she didn’t even need Liv to answer, she was basically just asking herself. They kept walking until Mini stopped short, turning Liv’s shoulders, “No more fucking each other over..it ends here,” she shook out her hand to shake with Liv’s hand. They shook hands and then Mini just took a deep breath, rolling her eyes then giving her a hug. Even though they agreed on all the fighting and fucking over to stop, her heart was broken but she wouldn’t admit it, not to anyone. 

Liv stayed quiet when Mini asked about Cook, she didn’t know if he would cheat again but what she did know was that it wouldn’t be with her. Cook and her at certain similarities and being faithful was one of them. They always had excuses as to why they did things but the difference was, Liv couldn’t keep it from those that she loved. Cook on the other hand didn’t have any qualms about it what so ever. Mini stopped walking and grabbed Liv by the shoulders, she turned to face her still feeling the swelling on her face, “No more fucking each other over..it ends here,” They shook hands and Liv looked her in the eye, “I promise.” Mini rolled her eyes and hugged her, exactly what she needed right now. Liv squeezed her back tight and sighed, “I fucking love you. I promise this black bitch will her her shit straight.” When they pulled away from each other, Liv could still see the pain all over Mini’s face. It was Chris all over again, apologizing didn’t come that easily when she was around people that held a lot of things in. She sighed and continued walking, “I should probably get back to Maude or whatever. She goes through our things when she’s at the house alone…” Liv glanced at Mini again, feeling her stomach drop, “We’ll be okay yeah?” She knew it’d be awhile until Mini fully accepted her back again. Luckily she hadn’t stormed off or cut her out of her life permanently although this approach hurt just as much. Trying to rush back how things were when the two had clearly been ripped apart to an extent. Walking next to someone who was silent because they were disappointed in you was just as bad as walking alone. Liv reached inside of the bag she was carrying and took out the pair of sunglasses Mini gave her when she was little and crying. That’s exactly how Mini seemed right now, a sad little girl. She placed them in the palm of her hand and looked upa t her best mate. “Okay,” she said simply.